I've officially moved out of Maryland and into the state of irony...

Camilla Parker-Bowles & Prince Charles have sent the insane message that being the mistress eventually pays off. She doesn't get to be queen, but she's finally gotten the man outright. Isn't it ironic that Princess Diana was quoted as saying there were three people in her marriage (CPB being the 3rd), died young and now all of England is cheering the other woman on? She's not even cute; in fact, she's down right manly! I guess the true irony will be when there's a 3rd person in Camilla's marriage.

I met a cutie at a Superbowl party. I went to a basketball game last week and saw him. He was looking my way, so I decided to get up some nerve and go chat with him again, since it went really well before. Every time I made eye contact with him, he averted his eyes. Initially, I thought I was crazy and asked my friend to peep the situation. When I turned my back, he and his friends were pointing at me. Literally. I thought that they were trying to figure out if in fact it was me, but come on, pointing? You're 38! I decided to just continue my conversation and speak to him when I was on my way back to my seat. We were well into the third period and essentially his group and my group were the only groups in that area of the arena. I said goodbye to my friends and turned to make my move but all of a sudden he had vanished! WTF?! Isn't it ironic that when I finally try to be a big girl and make the first move I get pointed at and ignored?

On Saturday I to went to a party. A guy comes up and starts chatting me up about my smile, etc. We talk off and on all night; he's attractive, funny and tall. I decide to give him my number whether he asks or not. He pulls out his phone and I think "perfect timing!" Does he proceed to ask my girl for her number? They didn't really talk all night! She's nonchalant; I am sparkling! Isn't it ironic that no matter what, guys will always try to get at the elusive, mysterious, "mean" girl?

I was driving over the weekend and 404 pulled up in the lane next to me. I was feeling surly so made no effort at acknowledgement. He calls my cell and says, "Don't you see me right next to you?" I put on my surprised face as we talked for the 1st time since the Dark Ages. He suggests I call him later after I finish my errands so that I can stop by his house to kick it. I bite and call him. He tells me he is sleeping in preparation for his V-day date that night (because I so wanted to hear all about that), but says he will call me the following day to stop by. 404 makes me sick and I have a long history of illnesses with him. I decided on the spot that when he called, I wouldn't take it and I would decline seeing him. Isn't it ironic that he still hasn't called and trumped me right on out of saying I didn't want to see him first?

Isn't it ironic that a day devoted solely to love brings out the bitterness of millions and makes some people feel less than simply because they are not part of a duo?

I love coffee. I'm not quite an addict, but I do need my Starbucks (even though local digs like Tryst are better.) It's like the "every man's" coffee Mecca and there's something for everyone. I just don't understand when ordering a coffee became such an ordeal. Yes, there are a lot of choices, but it's really not that hard. Pull from your context clues people. If the choices in size are tall, grande and venti and each price is higher than the last, you can gather that it means small, medium and large. I don't know why this trips so many folks up. If you want a cold drink, they are grouped on the menu board. So are the hot drinks and the limited edition drinks. It's pretty simple. The menu board also has brief descriptions. Use them; they are your friends. Don't ask the baristas to describe every single drink for you when you get to the register and then say, "Um, I think I'll just go with a regular coffee."  You knew that's what you wanted 10 minutes ago when you were standing in line. I went in today because I was feigning for my usual-- a tall, 2% cafe mocha, no whip. There was a line of about five people ahead of me. When lady number four got to the front of the line, she proceeded to ask if each drink was decaf. Individually. Even though the drinks that were had a decaf heading on the board, she still needed some sort of ridiculous clarification. I wanted to stab her. There should be a "stand-here-because-you-d on't-know-what-the-hell-y ou-want-and-are-going-to- piss-everyone-else-off" line at all Starbucks nationwide. That way all of the fence sitters can be in one place asking each other for suggestions. The rest of the coffee drinking mainstream does not have the time or patience to hear your debate about it. Stop trying to be chic and stick with 7-11 coffee if it's too much for you.

shoplove shorts:  I'm on my way to a "lock and key valentine's weekend" soiree... hopefully I won't be paired up with a serial killer.

As you may know, yesterday was Ash Wednesday. Being the good Catholic girl that I am, I went to noon mass. It wasn't quite like my church which is very lively, but it was pretty typical of most Catholic churches I've attended over the years (read: deafeningly quiet.) I was kneeling in the second pew preparing for communion and trying to stay focused because my mind picks the most inopportune times to wander to the most inappropriate thoughts. There was a woman in the pew in front of me (remember, that makes it the front one) with her three small children. They were probably about 5, 3 and 1 1/2. I just happened to glance over at her inadvertently and I see that she is breastfeeding the youngest kid! In church! On the front row! In front of the PRIEST & ME! Are you kidding me right now?! I know I will get flack for this, but breastfeeding is not my thing. I don't really feel comfortable seeing women whip it out and will probably have Gerber children myself. I just really don't want to see boobs in church. Ever. I guess the child was hungry, but mass was an hour. How about timing it before or after? Besides, the child was big enough for a sippy cup and some animal crackers anyway. Then she started making slurping noises and I wanted to gag. I know many of my sisters out there will think I'm crazy, but to me it is different than giving your baby a bottle in service.

Don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with breastfeeding if that is what you choose to do. I won't even say that you shouldn't necessarily do it in public. But why not use a receiving blanket to cover up? Yes, I realize it is natural but let's face it folks, no matter how infiltrated with sexual and violent images we may be in this country, we are a bunch of prudes. Besides, if you don't like what's on TV, you can always change the channel. It is different when you're right there. The same people writing letters and burning Janet Jackson CDs after "the incident" are the same ones giving whole churches and restaurants full of people an eye full at feeding time.

shoplove shorts:  Since we're on the subject of feedings, I am addicted to the Quaker peanut butter and chocolate chunk breakfast bars!

Have you ever had a day where you wake up and you just know it's going to be a good day? For some people, the weather is crucial...they look out the window and the sun is shining and they feel recharged and energized. For others, getting to work on time is key for a smooth day. A stellar day for me means cooperative hair, make-up that goes on just so the first time or an outfit that is doing big things. Yesterday, the stars were aligned just right because I had all three! I've been working hard to lose a few pounds and for the first time, I could see it in my clothes. I slid into a flirty skirt that I had broken up with about a year ago. I love rekindling relationships like this. My hair needed very few products and was hella manageable and shiny. We've fought for so long on texture and lately, I’ve been giving in to the curls. It's been so much easier so I guess compromise definitely has its perks. The make-up was a total fluke; I guess it decided to just get with the program!

People spend so much time, money and energy on "getting happy". Happiness comes from within and I realize that beauty is only skin deep. That being said, some highlights, a new lipstick and a smile never hurt anyone and can only add to your confidence level! If you're sad, paint your nails. Feeling chubby? Give yourself a facial. Invest some time in yourself and I guarantee it'll be a good day.

shoplove shorts:  I guess the "blogger's block" is over!

I'm a pretty easy going gal. When miscellaneous people rub me the wrong way, I am usually able to motivate on relatively quickly. I think people would say I'm bubbly and downright sunny. At work, I am definitely amicable. Granted, I'm not the one to necessarily grab drinks after work with my coworkers (I have my own friends), but in the office I talk about non-work things and am social. Apparently, my winning smile has made folks too comfortable. You know what I'm talking about... someone who you are usually "cool" with makes a comment, joke or reference to something hella inappropriate and catches you completely off guard. Weight, reproduction issues and sex are often the topics that people think they can discuss with you because you are "buds" now. They don't even realize they've been offensive. I'm not giving a pass on these topics, but when did racial stereotypes become "okay" too?!

Yesterday my small, privately owned company took a bus tour of our acquisitions. Our company president wanted it to be fun, so he decided we should serve mimosas and bloody marys in the morning. As the events coordinator, it was my job to make this happen. So I'm in the kitchen playing bartender and IT Guy says, "What are you making?" I say, "Mimosas." "What's that?" "Champagne & orange juice." Here's where it goes dastardly wrong... He says, "Hmmm, I've never heard of that. Is that some sort of PG County* drink?" I plaster curt smile on my lips and try to warn him with my expression and tone of voice that he is treading down a dangerous path. I said, "Are your referring to 'Gorgeous Prince George's'?" He gets this wise ass smirk on his face and says, "I mean, sure, but if you were going to make a PG drink, you should have just made jungle juice." Are you fucking kidding me right now? In case you haven't guessed, he is white and I'm not. Just so we're allllll clear, it is never appropriate to make a "jungle" reference to a minority. Before you get riled up, I am fully aware that jungle juice is in fact a mixed drink. However, it is not okay to put it in an asshole-ish, racist context. (See * below). I just looked at him and said, "You are totally out of control and you know that's not cool with me, right?" and walked away. But, as I've read in report after report, racism is no longer an issue in our country, so I guess I'm just crazy.

shoplove shorts:  *PG County = Prince George's County, Maryland = THE most affluent, African-American suburb in the nation = where I live

I pride myself on being a good, happy and content person. Sometimes it doesn't always work out that way. Sometimes I do things that ultimately show lapses in judgment.  I continually pray on things and don't hold up my end of the bargain. Sometimes I'm just waiting for God to walk into my living room and say "What on earth were you THINKING?" If I could plan out my perfect life, it would include a loving marriage, well adjusted children, time to pursue my passion du jour, special and meaningful relationships with the ones I love most and a lot of laughs thrown in the mix for good measure. Sometimes I feel like it is just not going to work out that way. What goes around comes around, but sometimes I wonder just how ridiculous you have to be for karma to really bite you in the ass. Sometimes I look at other people who do whatever they want no matter who it hurts, and they are continually rewarded. I wonder how it always seems to work out for them. I know we all fall short, but I hate it when I know better but don't necessarily do better. All that I can say is that I need to stay focused, stay committed and stay true to myself. All that I can do is try again tomorrow.

shoplove shorts:  How do you get yourself back on track when you fall off the wagon?

ps to Kaye:  Before you start thinking, nothing has happened with ATL or (especially) EC91!!  I am pulling from many creative places for this entry... lots of old journals, diets and plenty of "snow time" have helped to make this possible... lol

American Idol is sending me right straight to hell. There is no way St. Peter is even going to review my case at the gate after the way I laughed, screamed and hollered last night watching those clueless people tryout! I didn't know I had it in me to be so cruel. Initially I thought, "They can't be serious." Then I saw the stricken looks on their little faces as Randy, Paula & Simon all said, "We'll pass." What in THE hell were they thinking? And who are the people that have been telling them their whole lives that they sound just like Brian McKnight/Whitney Houston/El Debarge? Those people should be taken to the town square and stoned for setting up their "loved ones" on national TV. I love my mother, but singing isn't her forte. She sings in church (because God said make a joyful noise, not necessarily an in tune one), in her car and around the house. Guess what? No one is telling her to go to any damn auditions! She is extremely talented in other ways but knows her limitations. I want these folks to take their dollar and a dream and go invest it somewhere else.

In order to somewhat redeem myself on the path o' righteousness, I have compiled a brief list of things you should do before trying out for Idol '06:

1.     Have someone other than your mom or granny listen to you sing a cappella. If they say things like, "It was just a little off" or "Wow... that was, ummm, something" maybe you should rethink the tryout.

2.     Put your audition outfit on and have a friend take a picture of you in it. If you can see some unflattering bulges or gaps, the judges can too and will mention it. Pick something else to wear.

3.     When selecting a song, stick with one that wasn't originally recorded in 4-part harmony. You are trying out alone and should only be singing one part (this includes ALL back-up vocals... just sing the lead!)

4.     Make sure you know all the words to the song you sing. If you are unsure of a lyric, look it up on the internet. If Randy wrote it, Paula performed it or Simon produced, don't sing it.

5.     Insulting Simon is not going to get you a record deal from him. Period.

I hope this helps... Good luck & keep singing (if you really can)!

shoplove shorts:  Isn't there something else going on in the world besides the Inauguration? I mean coverage on a few channels is fine but damn! I luv TiVo...

I don't do this very often & I feel like I may get some hot rocks thrown at me for this one, but I feel like I need to make a public service announcement to some guys out there. Many men I know (or know of through my girlfriends) have female friends. These are platonic friendships and in their most innocent forms, are okay to have in my opinion. The problem comes in when your wife/girlfriend doesn't know anything about your friend. Newsflash: When she finds about it (because she will), you will look like a shady cheater! It won't matter if you really aren't dating or sleeping with your friend, your wife/girlfriend will think that you are. Men generally refute this by saying "You should know me better/trust me." Here's the thing Einsteins, if you are calling/emailing/text messaging some random girl that I have never heard of only when I'm not around and at weird times, (i.e.: on your way to work in the morning, on your way home from a night out with the boys, while you are in the grocery store, etc.) I am going to think something is up. Some of you will say, "My wife/girlfriend won't understand my relationship with my friend so it's easier if she doesn't even know about her." Here's the thing, she may not. But if you are open and honest about your friend from the start, you won't have complications later when your wife/girlfriend finds out (because, as I said before, she will).

In relationships, secrets = lies. It's just that simple. Not only will keeping your friend a secret cause waves with your significant other, it will cause waves in your friendship. Trust me on this one. You will be getting pelted from both directions with tons of questions like, "Why didn't I know about your little friend? Why are you cheating and lying to me?" and "I can't believe you didn't tell your wife about me! I thought our friendship was important! What do you mean you aren't inviting me to the BBQ? I thought we were friends." Do you really want that? I didn't think so! I have listed some simple steps that will help you to avoid this situation...

·    & nbsp;   When you become involved in a relationship, tell your new partner about any friends of the opposite sex early on.

·    & nbsp;   If you are close with your friend, invite them to dinner to introduce them to your new love. This will validate the importance of both relationships in your life.

·    & nbsp;   If it is just your buddy/acquaintance, at least invite her to your holiday soiree and make it a point to introduce them there.

·    & nbsp;   Do not hide the fact that you talk to your friend regularly. When your wife/girlfriend comes into the room, don't hurry and scramble to hang up. This looks suspicious.

You may be wondering how your wife/girlfriend always seems to find out about these friends. Even if you think you are being "careful" and are doing a good job of keeping things a secret, you really aren't. Your wife is checking strange numbers that come up frequently on your cell phone bill to make sure you aren't being charged for calls you didn't make. You are accidentally emailing your girlfriend messages you meant to send to your friend. You are leaving miscellaneous birthday cards from your friend in your car (which your significant other finds when they fall out of the glove compartment when she's driving your car through inspection).

Let me just say that I do not condone cheating in relationships, so if you are, stop it. If you really want to be with someone else, end it. If you want to keep things on the up and up, come clean about your friends today!

shoplove shorts:  My hair is very big today. I look like Chaka Khan.

Why do people try to bait you into asking them about something? I hate it and plenty of people do it on a daily basis. If you want me to know about something, just tell me.  For example, someone will say, "I had a FABULOUS vacation. It was so wonderful. We had so much fun!" Then they’ll turn to me with an expectant look as if to say, "Okay, now it's your turn to ask me all about it." Why not save all of that and say, "Girl, let me tell you all about my great trip..."? Granted, I usually do follow up with an interested question. Sometimes I genuinely want more details and sometimes I ask just to eliminate the awkward silence when they realize I really don't care.

The people I work with take this phenomenon to a whole different level! One of my co-workers was recently going on and on and on about how she had recently lost over 100 pounds. She had the expectant look on her face, but this time I was truly interested so I said, "That’s terrific! How'd you do it?" Did she look at me like I killed her mother and just kept talking as though I hadn't posed a question? Here's the thing, if you don't want anyone to ask how you got off that much weight in this diet obsessed culture, don't brag on it! By the way, I am very sensitive to the dieting nation because I have been a citizen for years. I am always looking for ways to improve my regimen and I am not insensitive to the weight issues of others. She was just being a bia bia. Another colleague and I were talking about something random and out of the way like forensics and CSI. She started talking about how her husband deals with all sorts of cool things like that blahblahblah. So I said, "That sounds really interesting. What field is he in? My best friend studied forensics for a while." How about she hit me with, "I really can't say what he does or get into that. He works for the FBI." Ummm, okay. I really thought he was a coroner, but whatever. If his job is top secret, why bring it up at all? People are crazy.

shoplove shorts:  If my boss has deemed me as "the creative one" and always asks me to "spice up the mundane", why does she find it necessary to ask me stupid questions like, "Well, why is it green?” Why not? Have you ever heard of creative license?!? Get out of my office. Thanks.

Today is my first day back at work after a much needed week long vacation. I had fun, but believe it or not, I am excited to be back. I cannot live, work or think straight in chaos and given the current state of my office, I was getting nothing done at work at the end of 2004! Several of my resolutions this year revolve around my career... I plan to be more focused, efficient and organized! I am clearing out the files, moving boxes into storage closets, and finalizing my events calendar for the entire year! I will not be distracted by fun emails, great new websites or phone calls! I am putting my nose to the grindstone and am going to be at work before 9am!

Okay, what the hell was I thinking?? First of all, I set my clock for 6am with the goal of getting up, going through my routine and being out of the door by 7:30am. When I finally hear the clock (I think I hit snooze in my sleep), it is 6:45. I had to race through the shower without working out and scarf down some cereal. I still managed to get to work by 8:30, because thankfully there was no traffic. I breeze into my office prepared to get started, but I got overwhelmed. Stuff was everywhere and I couldn't focus on any paperwork until I got it cleaned up. So, I tried to tackle filing. Unfortunately, there are only manila file folders in the supply closet. I can't use them because I need the cute colored ones to go with my newly designed, color coded office organizational system. I just don't feel like I can have a fabulous system with manila. Since I couldn't file, I decided to move on to sorting through the miscellaneous prop junk that somehow piles up in here after every event I do. I realized pretty quickly that the junk is stacked up because there is no place to put it. So, until I get new office storage totes, the junk has to stay where it is. Next I decided I would put up some pictures to give my office some personal touches. Too bad I need new frames to make that happen. It is now 1:15pm. I have checked my voicemail, answered one email and had lunch. I walked around and said "Happy New Year" to about 10 colleagues. I've talked to my mom, a good friend and Kaye twice. I thought I was motivated but I guess old habits die hard. Tomorrow's only the 4th... I guess I'll try to clean the slate again then.

shoplove shorts:  Not only do I need colored folders, but I think I need new snazzy labels, pens and notebooks. To keep organized, of course.

Shakespeare said that "a rose by any other name still smells as sweet." So what is with these new mothers and their MAJOR opposition to nicknames? Before anyone starts throwing hot rocks, I know that parents take meticulous pains when selecting their children's names. Some are family names or have beautiful sentimental meanings. But some are just a damn mouthful. I am from a long lineage of nicknamers. My name, while great with a nice meaning ("light" because I am the light of my mother's life) is short. I still have a nickname. It is Mouse. I am the daughter of Chicken & Bunz, the niece of DB, Pete (my aunt), Bobcat & Mar. I am the cousin of Unc, Bone, Miguel (really a nickname), Vita, Bernie, Tootie & CB. Why on earth would you think if you married into this craziness that your baby would get to be called by their long, sometimes difficult name when there is a cuter, shorter or funnier nickname instead?! Nicknames are endearing! We didn't even call my grandmother "grandma"! Her nickname was Madear. I also feel like you are setting yourself up for failure (if you don't like nicknames that is) if you make your son a Jr., II or III. Do you really think we are going to call every single Michael by that name? Hell no! There is going to be a Mike, a Mikey and an MJ. We need to differentiate people! I have a family full of men, so this is rampant. Also, if you name your baby Cleophis Eric Watson, Jr. and we call your husband "Eric", why do think that we are going to call the baby Cleophis? He is "Little Eric"! We've hated Cleophis for 30 years! We are not going to start using it now, so just stop it.  Besides, the 2 moms in our clan that are being persnickety about this go by Memi & Lee! These are hardly their given names. Cut it out and stop being extra.